The Merits of Fictional Heroes
by Runi-chan
Summary: Even when Canada wins, he loses. Features England, Italy, America, Canada, Germany, France, and AUSTRALIA


(Inspired by seeing the Wolverine movie last night and an article on Cracked. Loving Deadpool [SO GLAD HE'S GETTING HIS OWN MOVIE] and Gambit a little too much. Give me a break--it took four movies for Gambit to show up, and I thought Deadpool would never even get near a movie)  


* * *

  
"I still say Superman is the best," America's arms are folded across his chest, and he is staring indignantly at France.

"Absolument pas! Clearly, if there was a contender, it'd Batman"

"You mean the Zorro rip-off?"

"Shut up, Italy!" America snaps. England's head is in his hands.

They are sitting outside a lovely cafe in London, surrounded by England's people and visitors from all over. It really was a lovely afternoon and for once the nations had been getting along without much conflict (but for the conversation of long gone days that pushed the younger nations and a much removed Japan to the fringe, and had Germany only shrugging, for he could not remember). Then America had started going about his movies (like he always did).

And lately, the trend in America's movies had been superheroes. (Though ask of America's movies almost 100 years before and Japan would have been quietly taking notes on the animation)

Australia reclines in his chair and soon his feet are on the table with the clunk of rubber soles on metal. He gets a dirty look from more than just one of the nations, as Germany does not appreciate the clay-crusted boots so close to his stein of ale.

"Yer both wrong. It's Green Lantern."

America cocks an eyebrow.

"How so? He's beaten by the color yellow!"

Australia grins, and it's a little disconcerting, considering that most of the European blood in his veins came from convicted criminals.

"As I recall, he almost destroyed the universe there. Under evil control, yeah, but no one else can do that in DC."

America sputters, at a loss for once. England lets a smile loose. He has trouble getting along with Australia sometimes, but now he is enjoying the silence from America. Australia is still grinning, all teeth.

"How's Superman the best, eh?"

America shakes his head, and his hands are flat on the table as he leans towards his almost-brother (England has so many children).

"Come on, it's Superman! He can fly! He's superstrong! He's noble, and humble!"

Germany reclines in his seat.

"He's boring. He can do no wrong," Germany turns his head, more interested in pigeons in the square. In the back of the nation's minds it registers that Germany's leader in _those days_ had been looking for the "Superman", and the conversation stalls uncomfortably.

Canada sips his coffee and says, "I like Marvel better."

Italy follows Canda's example, sips his espresso and cheerily nods.

"Spiderman's the greatest hero!"

"I prefer the X-Men," Japan counters, "but Batman isn't bad either."

"Ah, the X-Men," France is nodding in deep appreciation, "I like them too. Especially that Gambit."

"You just say that because he's Cajun, you self-important moron," England replies. France shoots him a look, and they seem inclined to begin to start physically fighting when Canada speaks up.

"W-why don't we do this; we'll go around and everyone will state their favorite hero..er, superhero," he amends when he sees the history in some of the elder nation's eyes, "and why you like them. America and Australia, you already went, so I guess we'll start with England."

England turns from glaring at France.

"I liked The Question," the nation responds, "he was a superb detective, better than Batman some of the time. He's a little odd and misunderstood. His disguise was genius--he had a mask to achieve this 'blank face' look. Odd sense of justice, too--a conspiracy theorist"

America looks at England, as if something is familar about the subject.

"What?"

" That sounds like Ror---"

"That's because Moore made a parody of him in Rorschach," England snaps. Honestly. He was avoiding picking from Moore's work after "Lost Girls" (mostly because he had known the authors of those books and Moore's turn with them had been wholly inappropriate).

"Alright now, Germany, it's your turn."

Germany thinks for a moment (but evidently not fast enough for Italy, who is tugging on his shirtsleeve. The blonde narrows his eyes at the brunette before responding).

"Eh, it is tough. I have always liked The Blue Beetle, but I think I like Nite Owl more now."

"Who's the Blue Beetle?"

"Semi-sentient armor from space. Very interesting. Italy, you're next."

Italy is beaming, and his mouth goes a mile a minute. What they can discern is something along the lines of, "Spiderman...best because...fighting despite the fact that it could ruin the rest of his life..and it's romantic.." and after that they lose track and Italy is going on in Italian now and they can't follow him.

Germany effectly silences him with a squeeze of a hand.

"France, yer turn," Australia eyes the remnant of a sandwich on the table and attempts to reach it without swinging his feet to the floor. France muses on the topic, silent for a strangely long time.

For minutes. The chatter of the crowd fills in the silence, which they put up with until it's obvious he's stalling.

"FRANCE!" England calls, smacking the back of France's head in a move America watches with amazement. He will later use this in one of his television shows.

"Ah yes, best hero...ah, Cyrano de Bergerac...," France stops, suddenly aware of the stares he is recieving.

"Super-hero, France. Super. Hero," Germany informs. France nods.

"Iron Man."

"Why?"

"He gets ladies"

And somehow none of them are surprised.

"All that's left is Canada and Japan. Japan?"

Kiku's answer is quick, to the point.

"X-23. She is efficent at what she does, but she is becoming more self aware. It is interesting to follow."

They all nod, and it is Canada's turn.

"I, um..well, I like Deadpool," he says, noting America's disdain but Italy's smile (Italy likes things skewed towards humor), "But I have to say the best hero is Wolverine. He's indescructible, kicks butt, and he's Canadian."

They are all quiet for a moment, and then, to Canada's amazement, they agree with him.

But only so much.

"Yeah, he's cool, but he was invented by an American writer..."

"....X-23 is cloned from him....."

"....funtowatchhimreact to spiderman'sbadguysanddealwith his mouth..."

"....played by an Australian..."

"...who does a lot of theatre..."

"...good romantic hero..."

Only Germany says nothing, merely shrugging.

Canada can't believe it. They all start chatting away about the merits of the Marvel movies. Canada lets his head fall to the table, biting his lip.

Even when Canada wins, he loses.

* * *

Hal Jordan, aka the first Green Lantern, at one point became Parallax and caused the events of Zero Hour: Crisis in Time, where he basically tried to rewrite DC History. Later he becomes the Spectre to make up for that. Parallax is kind of...terrifying. And kills people. Parallax is why the GL Corps originally were weak against yellow--Parallax was trapped in the 'source' of the ring's powers. Derp derp, I are nerd.

"Lost Girls" is something Alan Moore (writer for V for Vendetta, Watchmen) came up with alongside his wife. It's Alice (Alice in Wonderland), Dorothy (Wizard of Oz) and Wendy (Peter Pan) meeting up and talking about their 'erotic adventures'. No I'm not kidding. . I'm sure it's wonderfully artistic or something but I'm just kind of put off that he'd do something like that.

Okay, you can all google the rest of those superhero things. Hal Jordan only got that explanation up there because that's way into his story line.

England gave France a Gibbs slap (NCIS). Cyrano de Bergerac is a fantastic story and I highly recommend Gerard Depardieu's turn as him (I cried).

One day I'll write something with France and his literary giants. But not today.


End file.
